The Attorny

20 December, in the year of our Lord 2022

Slept poorly, though there was less to keep me awake. In the morning to the premices of my parents’ Lawyer, a Mr. Garland, as I thought, which I found at the corner of Church Road and Alerton Road, opposite the Ottoman BBQ, in the old merchant quarter of Wool Town, now encroached all around by the City. Through the door to the jangle of a bell hung from a great coil and, within, all dimly lit, the only shaft of daylight weak and from a high, frosted window, and with a very few candles casting shadows but little warmth, and the light insufficient to penetrate the musty corners of the chamber. And everywhere around, desks, shelves, stools, ladders, papers, scrolls, leather-bound volumes innumerable and the smell of dust and cob webbs, and the only sound that of a quill scratching upon vellum, occasionally pausing as a pale clerk, barely out of school, replenishes his ink. I poduced a small cough, whereupon the clerk jumped visibly and gazed through thick eyeglasses into the gloom, astonished to see at his counter, of all people, an actual client.
  ‘Samuel Pepys,’ say I, by way of warey pleasantry. ‘Here by an arrangement to see a Mr. — ’ at which I struggle in the dim light to confirm the name upon the note from the Messenger ‘ — James Garland.’
  ‘I am he,’ says the young man, guardedly.
  ‘You are Mr. Garland?’ cry I in disbelief, for he seems cut from the same cloth as Mr. Erchin of Physician fame, and then add in what I deem to be a suitably legalistick tone: ‘There must be some mistake. I am expecting to introduce myselfe to the Attorny who represents my father and mother, to wit Mr. Pepys, Senior, and his wife, and if this not be heretofore made manifest by any arrangement, whether written or otherwise, and notwithstanding yourselfe and your position within the said Chambers, please kindly advise forthwith my arrival to whomsoever I must avail myselfe this twentieth day of the month…inst.’
  At this the young man stares open-mouthed. ‘Introduce yourselfe?’ gasps he, as if at the temeritie of the suggestion. ‘That is so irregular as to be — ’
  ‘There is no need to appear so astounded,’ say I, crossly. ‘Firstly, my father’s Attorny hath documents to furnish me that relate to my Lasting Power of Attorny for my mother, and I have brought with me all the proofs of identitie that he may wish to see, so we may persue the transaction, I hope without delay. Secondly, since I have made time for this, which is valuable to me, I anticipate that the Attorny will extend the courtesy of an introduction, however brief.’
  ‘I am very sorry, Mr. Pepys,’ huffs he, by rejoinder. ‘The documents I shall endeavore to find — ’ (casting aimlessly around) ‘ — but an introduction to Miss Mason is quite out of the question.’
  ‘Miss Mason?’ say I in bewilderment, for I never before heard a woman be an Attorny, and restate my case. ‘My father no doubt hath met these years past with his Attorny to confirm the nature of the manifest Power of Attorny now invested in me, so in pursuance of that — ’
  ‘Met with Miss Mason?’ interrupts the clerk. ‘I very much doubt that! An audience would be deemed most…unusual, Mr. Pepys.’
  ‘Well,’ say I, sticking my ground, ‘having made the opportunitie to visit this morning, how about I pay you for the documents necessary to me, and in return you request Miss Mason to pay me the kindness of an introduction, for I find this appoyntment to be at a certayne inconvenience and am somewhat pushed for time?’
  With a degree of effort, and an eye all the while askance to me, he opens (with, it appears, a certain contrived theatrickle labour) a huge volume at the furthest distance on the desk before him, and runs his finger down what may, or may not, be the relevant page and, this done, turns it, affecting to peruse several days of engagements.
  ‘I fear Miss Mason is in Chancery all week,’ says he, making to close the book with a degree of finality.
  ‘Very well,’ say I, at which he pauses mid-closure. ‘Today is Tuesday. How about next week upon this day? I expect her busyness will by then be concluded?’
  At which young Mr. Garland throws me a look of annoyance, but reopens what is evidently a Diary of Committments and runs his finger down the next few pages.
  ‘I am afraid meetings with the Lord Chancellor… ’
  ‘And the week thereafter?’ suggest I, tenaciosely.
  ‘…Inns of Court…’
  ‘And she is there twenty-four seven, is she?’
  ‘…she is working for the King,’ huffs he.
  ‘And which King would that be?’ say I, spreading my palms along the filthy counter and leaning across it in what I hope to be a menacing manner.
  ‘Why, His Majestie King Charles, the Second of that Name!’ cries he, taken aback by the seeming absurditie of the question.
  ‘Well, Mr. James Garland,’ say I, smuggerly, ‘I have news. In the years since last a duster was applied to your desks and shelfs, and in all the time since last a visitor made call upon your lacklustre establishment, there is a new King Charles. The Third of that name.’
  He regards me, aghast.
  ‘This cannot be!’ He scrabbles about his desk, forlornly seeking some kind of confirmacion. ‘The Old King dead?’
  ‘And buried. And one or two in between. I suspect that as a result of your cloistered existence you are experiencing some kind of monarchical dissonance. What about the week after?’
  ‘In the Star Chamber — ’ says he, shaking his head, and then, observing my gimlett stare, ‘ — but we could do the thirteenth day of February.’
  ‘Very well,’ say I, though my sense of authority yields to my insecure command of syntax, ‘though I pray to God that the conversation to be had will differ in no degree of significance from that which we might have had were we able to persue it this day — but no matter.’
  ‘I shall write it in the Diary,’ says he in agreeable relief, dipping his quill in fresh ink. ‘And now, subject to the proofs demanded of you by the Law of the land, it shall be my pleasure to furnish you with the documents of Attorney you require in relacion to Mrs. Pepys, your mother. Which will be, in all, 6s. per copy. Is there any other way I might appear to help you?’
  All proved and payed, after dinner I by my coach to my father in Hospitall who, being compos mentis though still, poor man, lamentably short of breath, was able to tell me the special code for his Depositte Box, wherein lie all his copys of the Lasting Powers of Attornys he wrote with Miss Mason these five years since, that I might avail myselfe of them without the inconvenience of troubling his Attorny.